


Tonight I'm Gonna Hold You So Close

by kissesfromkrug



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissesfromkrug/pseuds/kissesfromkrug
Summary: Auston, sitting up in bed near 12 am on a warm summer night, was obviously a fortune-teller.





	Tonight I'm Gonna Hold You So Close

**Author's Note:**

> That time I posted this prematurely... I'm sorry about that, I'm not too good with technology. Not the first time I've done that. *winces*
> 
> I also was gonna make it a sad ending but...shit happens? No no - inspiration hits.

Auston knew, from the first moment Mitch kissed him, drunk after a win in their hotel room, that he couldn't do it. He knew from the first time Mitch called him his boyfriend five weeks later that they wouldn't be forever, no matter how many times Mitch said "together forever?" and Auston answered with "of course".

He knew Mitch's daily "I love you" would stop one day and never restart, no matter what anyone did. He knew Mitch would get tired of him sooner or later, as he did with all things excluding hockey.

Mitch was the type of person to jump from item to item, idea to idea, without any real plan of action. He did things because they were fun, and if they were fun, he'd eventually round back to them.

But not people.

Before he ever confessed his attraction to Auston - and guys in general, Mitch could usually be spotted chatting up a girl in short shorts and a crop top at the beach, club, or any other place the team - or just him and Auston - happened to be. He stopped getting chirped for his flirting skills when he started showing up the next day with scratches on his back and bruises on his neck. Then the chirps began for the marks.

As usual, Mitch took it all in stride, relishing in all the attention he got, no matter where it came from.

Auston may have been a little jealous of the way he flaunted his sexual expertise. The way he sidled up to anything with breasts and got them to laugh within seconds with a cheap line that he made sound seductive, or the way he stripped in the locker room, so confident of his body despite the hickeys and such.

Maybe it was the way he looked at Auston with a twinkle in his eye, or touched his teammates the most he could without being suspiciously close. Mitch always loved cuddles, no matter from who, and Auston felt his heart swell when Mitch would curl up in his space, and a sinking, sickening feeling replaced it when he'd turn to someone else for comfort.

No matter what happened, Auston knew that relationships and Mitch Marner did not get along; oil and water, they were, Willy randomly observed one night as Mitch slid between two lanky, dark-skinned girls and got immediate smiles.

"He can't settle down," the Swede said, knocking back a shot. "Watch him be 50 and a retired-athlete-millionaire and single." He paused. "Well, maybe a young girlfriend, but no wife."

"Probably still try to flirt like he does now," Auston sighed. His fingers squeezed his beer bottle a fraction tighter as he saw Mitch lean in close to one of the girls.

"Doing okay?" Auston took in a shuddery breath, looking away from Mitch and downing the rest of his beer. He said in a low voice,

"I think it's high time I get out of here."

Auston, sitting up in bed near 12 am on a warm summer night months after that, was obviously a fortune-teller. He decided to avoid his future heartbreak his own way, no matter what his heart told him at the moment. The final outcome would not be pretty if he didn't cut things off then.

As he stared down at Mitch's face, mouth slightly open and eyelashes fluttering as he dreamed, Auston decided that it was night was the night he had to do it. He had to stop it.

He gently pushed away from Mitch, pulling his arms off from where they were loosely wrapped around Auston's waist. Mitch made a snuffling noise, flexing his fingers and scrunching his eyebrows together cutely. Auston bit his lip and looked away, sliding his legs off the bed and repositioning the cover over Mitch.

Auston was glad he was light on his feet, for it seemed as though the slightest noise would wake Mitch. He squirmed and whimpered softly, unable to get comfortable as Auston tiptoed out of the room.

"Babe?" 

Auston swore in his head and looked back, the dim light from the hallway filtering in and casting a glow over Mitch's confused face.

"I'll be back, just getting some water," Auston said, lying through his teeth. Mitch smiled blearily.

"I'll be here, cold and annoyed."

"Good to know," Auston chuckled, unable to help it. God, was Mitch dramatic. It was the beginning of August - how could he possibly be _cold_? And he's Canadian; aren't they especially cold-resistant?

Auston watched as Mitch wrapped himself in a burrito and murmured, "Good luck keeping warm." Auston merely shook his head and resumed his walk out, shutting the door with a soft click.

He was suddenly glad they'd gotten a two-bedroom apartment as he walked down the hallway, bracing himself against the wall. He'd put some clothes in the dresser drawers earlier that day, figuring that them sleeping in separate beds was the perfect way to break it to Mitch.

He couldn't just wake up one morning to Mitch snuggled up against his chest and say, "hey, I think we should break up 'cause I think you'll get tired of me soon". There's absolutely no way that would go over well.

Letting Mitch down easy, like putting down a tiny kitten on a pillow - now that sounded like a good option.

• • •

Mitch didn't seem to understand what Auston was getting at. He stopped chirping Auston for his little quirks, stopped trying to find comfort (cuddles) with others, and stuck by Auston's side every second that it was possible. He's almost positive that Mitch would've jumped in the shower with him at the rink when training camp started, had it not been for Auston's desire to not be mortally embarrassed and teased for the rest of his life.

When the preseason started, he got up extra early on game days and got Auston coffee and a breakfast sandwich, waving a hand when Auston said he could do it himself. "It's the thought that counts - and the caffeine, amirite?"

Mitch demanded that they stay in and watch a movie or do something fun inside whenever they had a night off, always ending up in Auston's lap, whether it was the food, his legs, his head, or, when Mitch was feeling more adventurous, his mouth. Auston hadn't gotten up the willpower to refuse sex from Mitch - yet. Honestly, why would he want to? - but it _was_  regretfully necessary to his plan, sooner or later.

Mitch _definitely_ noticed something was up when Auston stopped them from fucking for the third time that week.

"Aus, what the hell is wrong?" Mitch asked sadly, following him into the kitchen with his shirt bunched up in one hand. "Listen, dude, I'm not upset you won't fuck me - wait, no, like I am, a lot, like I legit really  _really_ want your dick in me - but seriously, is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just wanna chill," Auston said. He opened the fridge and stared into it blankly, not really looking for anything in particular.

"Okay, so the fridge _is_ chilly, but that's not what you were getting at," Mitch said, coming behind him to wrap warm arms around Auston's bare waist. "Are you getting tired of me?"

Auston shoved Mitch's arms off him and slammed the fridge door closed, suddenly angry. "Are you willing to not question things for one solitary second?" He hissed. "Can I not be upset by myself for one second? Is that possible? Do you have to follow me around everywhere?"

"You don't even sleep in my bed anymore, why wouldn't I worry?" Mitch said in reply, eyes big and sad and shoulders drooping. "I have to come to you. I know I did something wrong but you won't tell me what."

That hit Auston hard like a sharply slapped puck to the gut. It took him a good ten seconds to calm the nauseating feeling in his stomach. Mitch thought _he_ messed up? But how? How could someone so sweet and beautiful and _perfect_ ever mess up like that?

"I thought you liked cuddles," Mitch continued, folding his arms over his chest not to be threatening, but in a defensive way. Auston felt sicker by the second. "I thought you wanted me to be by your side, I saw how you looked at me whenever I hugged someone that wasn't you."

"Marns-"

"I get that you need your space sometimes, I really do - everybody needs that at one time or another, but really - there's something else going on and I don't understand it. Just tell me and I'll leave you alone, I promise."

"Mitch," Auston sighed. Mitch looked up at him quickly, eagerly awaiting a response. "I...I can't." The omnipresent flicker of joy in Mitch's bright blue eyes suddenly died, and Auston was left wondering how he'd managed to do something that only bad losses and team injuries could do.

"Aus." Auston didn't respond, then, furthering Mitch's despair. "Auston, I _love_ you, I've loved you for a helluva long time and I'll love you for the rest of my life, I wanna spend it all with you, put a ring on your finger and truly call you mine. All the ups and downs, Cups and injuries, delayed flights in the snow and off days with popcorn and a movie - _kids_ , even."

Auston stayed quiet through everything, even as Mitch began to raise his voice. Mitch never _ever_ raised his voice.

"You can't do this, you're my boyfriend, my favorite person in the whole fucking universe! You can't just shut me out."

Auston stared at Mitch in shock, Mitch's shoulders curling in on himself the longer the silence stretched out. "Or maybe you can." Auston tried to say something, any word or sound that would keep Mitch there - but he was gone mere seconds after that.

"But you can't," Auston whispered weakly, minutes after Mitch had disappeared into his room and shut the door. "It's impossible for you to love me forever. You can't possibly want to-" _marry me_. Auston couldn't get out the last words.

• • •

After their one-sided kitchen argument, Mitch noticeably began to do the things Auston had always feared he'd do. He hung around with the guys more often than he said hello to Auston, he flirted with anything with a pulse - although Auston and never actually seen him take anyone home (yet) - and although their on-ice chemistry hardly faded, Mitch never turned to Auston after a bad period and ranted about how he could've done better. Brownie took that like a champ, listening to everything and providing a stroke of random advice every now and then.

Auston felt his heart cracking in two, but in his head he knew it was for the best. He could never be with Mitch the way he truly wanted to, and this was the only way to get past Mitch. No pain, no gain.

But then again, what was there to gain after over a year of Mitch?

"You okay?" Willy asked him for what seemed like the hundredth time one team bonding evening. "You break up or something?" Auston almost spilled his drink.

"With who? What? No, uh-"

"Dude. Mitch told me you were dating, like, months ago. He was so excited it was gross." Auston's expression softened as he thought of Mitch's smile, always up in his face and turning to a smirk when he knew he'd successfully annoyed Auston. Although, to be honest, Auston was hardly ever _actually_ annoyed. Mitch's entire being was endearing.

"Matts."

"No."

"No what?" Willy asked, gently prodding - which was weird. Willy was always direct and to the point. He never went for gentle when talking to people, especially his close friends.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm just a little tired. Didn't get my nap in today." Willy eyed him suspiciously, and Auston caught wind of a familiar laugh as he looks the other way. He glanced around and saw Mitch openly flirting with a guy across the bar, catching his eye every now and then as he leaned closer and set his hand high on the guy's arm.

"Matts, I'm actually serious," Willy said. "Are you two okay?"

" _Fine_."

• • •

"We can get through this, Aus, I know we can," Mitch said hopefully, standing with his back to the hotel door as Auston set down his suitcase. "I'm sorry I yelled, that's not like me." _I know,_ Auston thought, _I know you never do that and you did it because of me so that's why I need to leave you_.

"Why are you here?" Mitch stared at him with a dropped jaw.

"Did you not just listen to anything I said?"

"It's not like you listen to me," Auston pointed out. It's not entirely true; Mitch had been trying to work on that since they were knocked out of the playoffs first round.

"I've been doing my best job at it, don't turn this on me," Mitch said, taking a step closer. Auston couldn't tell if Mitch was trying to be threatening or not, but if anything, he definitely looked scared.

"Listen, we need to stop this," Auston said finally, gesturing between them and staring at a spot on the wall behind Mitch. Mitch's expression turned from mildly scared to horrified as Auston continued quickly, "It's not working now, and it won't work in the future, and if we try then-then we're gonna have to tell people, and that means losing friends and sponsors and getting hate and I-I don't think - I'm _sure_ that nobody would want to go through that." Through stutters and stops Auston finally got out the words jumbled in his head, but they're not seeming to do it for Mitch.

"I - I would do it for you," he said in a faint voice, fingers twitching by his sides. "I'd do - I'd do _anything_ for you. I thought it went both ways."

"I talked to a few people about rooming with me, not sure why you're here," Auston replied, wincing at his own icy tone, and Mitch stumbled back.

"You're not fucking with me? That's it? The 'what will people say if they find out I'm in love, oh no' feeling is too scary?"

"Mitch, I'm not talking about this, I'm done-"

"You're done what?" Mitch challenged, one hand on the door handle. "Done with what? Have you been faking loving me for over a year? Is that what you're saying?"

"I haven't faked anything," Auston said, getting a bit louder. "I loved you then and I love you now, you have to understand that - but we can't do this relationship anymore." Mitch is thoroughly shaken. "I-I'm sorry."

"Because you're afraid?" Mitch shouted. "Afraid of some random old guys insulting you just because you're in love with a guy? You'd rather be loved by all than be with me?"

It took more than Auston would have thought to get through to Mitch, but Mitch has always been a tough customer, always asked "why", wanted a true explanation for things - all things. Auston shouldn't have expected any different.

"I don't want..." Mitch didn't interrupt like Auston had hoped he would; didn't interrupt for once in his life. "You. Um. To get-"

"Hurt? If I'm with you it doesn't matter. I'd go through anything to be with you." Auston shook his head, gripping the sides of it and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Mitch - no. I just. Can't." Auston didn't look up as the door slammed behind Mitch.

"What the fuck?" He heard Mo say to Mitch a second later, and there was a muffled, "Leave me alone!" followed by another slammed door. Geez. "What the - Matts! Open up." He knocked until Auston got up the nerve to drag his feet across the floor and open the door. "What's all this yelling and shit?"

"I broke up with him," Auston said bluntly once Mo closed the door behind him. "And he's mad."

"I can see you dumped him." That word sent a ripple of guilt through Auston. That really was what he did... "What happened?" Auston stared at the floor, Mitch's words echoing in his head. _I'd do anything for you. I'd go through anything to be with you._ Anything _._

"I'm sorry," Auston choked out, finding his way to the office chair and slumping down in it. "I fucked up."

"What do you think you said that set him off?" Mo asked, sitting on the bed closest to Auston. "I've never heard him that angry in my life."

"I told him we couldn't be together and he got upset-"

"Why not?" Auston glanced up at Mo, who was swinging his legs back and forth to the best of his ability. "Why can't you be with him? Societal 'laws', or some shit like losing sponsors? That's all bullshit, and you and I know it."

"I can't," Auston mumbled, crossing his arms over the table and hiding his face between them. "I can't do it."

"I'm sure you can - hey, if Ellen Degeneres gave a single fuck about marrying a woman, I don't think she'd be where she is today. If you give a single fuck about being in love with your best friend, then you risk losing him forever. If I were you, I wouldn't want to lose my favorite person in the world just cause of what someone _might_ say."

_You're my boyfriend, my favorite person in the whole fucking universe!_

"Stop, just - you're not helping. Go away."

"Auston."

"Morgan!" Auston exclaimed, a little muffled. "Fucking please! Just - go - get away. I need - I need to be alone." Mo squeezed Auston's shoulder once before walking out the door and leaving him alone with his mind and heart.

His heart said "get Mitch" but everything else screamed "what if?". What if?

What if everything turned out alright?

• • •

Mitch always came back no matter what. Even after that horrible day, he still returned, this time at 2:33 am, eyes red from crying in the dim hotel hallway. Auston had no choice but to let him in, letting Mitch curl up behind him, curling in on himself and shivering.

"I love you," he choked out helplessly after several minutes of listening to their breathing rise and fall, his cheek resting on the slope of Auston's back. "So much. Forever." Silence. "Are you asleep?"

"I can't."

"Can't sleep?" Mitch's voice was hopeful, desperate, maybe, but Auston didn't reply. "Aus? Babe? Look at me. Face me, please." Auston hesitantly rolled over and bit his lip. "Auston?"

"I can't love you that long without hurting you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want-"

"I told you, I'll be fine, I can deal with anything as long as I have you," Mitch assured him, reaching down and grabbing his hand. "I promise." Auston still refused to meet his eyes as Mitch rubbed over his knuckles, palm, the inside of his wrist. "It's not just that." It wasn't a question.

"I - you just-" Auston fumbled for a thousand words in his head at once and stopped for a second. "You seem to fall in and out of love so easily. I don't wanna be - I'm not one of your toys."

"You think you're my toy?" Mitch asked, arching an eyebrow. "You think I stay with my so-called 'toys' for more than a day? Fuck, no. And I'm old now-"

"Hardly."

"I'm old," he repeated, smiling a bit, but weak, in preparation of Auston shooting him down again. "I'm old enough to see that people aren't treated that way, old enough that I don't need toys anymore. And even if you were a toy - which, fuck all that - you'd be my 'always and forever' one."

"Mitch." Auston was smiling now, staring down at Mitch.

"I'd go through hell and back for you, baby." Auston only nodded and wrapped Mitch in his arms, pressing a heartfelt kiss to his lips.

"Me too." Auston could feel Mitch's heart nearly beat out of his chest - not that he could feel the steady thump. Mitch nearly vibrated out of his skin, his tears from earlier on long forgotten, as he pressed the closest to Auston he could be.

"I love you so fucking much - I'll love you forever," Mitch said, and waited with baited breath.

"And I love you," Auston finally said. "And it's - it's forever. I promise."

"Thank fuck - I don't think anyone else could put up with me for 80 more years." Mitch buried his face in Auston's shirt as they both grinned happily, high off love. "You're the best."

"Favorite?"

"And my favorite."

"Good," Auston smiled, kissing the top of Mitch's head once just to hear him giggle. "You're my favorite too."

**Author's Note:**

> Not for profit, fictional; feel free to point out any typos. :)
> 
> Title borrowed from "Daylight" by Maroon 5.
> 
> It's been a while since I've written in past tense, so bear with me...
> 
> Mini Playlist:  
> "Daylight"- Maroon 5  
> "Love Me Now"- John Legend  
> "Cry Me A River"- Justin Timberlake  
> "I Will Always Love You"


End file.
